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Joke of the Day

ASTROLOGY

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........and one blonde says to the other:" Which do you think is farther away..........Florida
or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......????

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys
would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled
, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

THE BLONDE, THE DOG & THE OTHER DOG

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HelOOOooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs.

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

But this week, I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy, oh boy, did we go around! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year... that in one year the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up, and he hasn't called back.

Guess he felt really stupid, huh?



7 degrees of blondes.....

1ST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (a blonde) picked up the phone, listened a moment & said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" & hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
2ND DEGREE
2 blondes are walking on the street. One notices a compact on  ;sidewalk & leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror & says "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
2nd blonde says , "Here, let me see!"
So 1st blonde hands her the compact. 2nd looks in mirror & says, "You dummy, it's me!"

3RD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out & buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly & when she opens the door she finds him in arms of a redhead. Well, blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun & as she does so, she's overcome with grief. She takes gun & puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies "Shut up, you're next!"

 4tH DEGREE
A blonde's bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

 5th DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

 6TH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her 4th year as UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class . The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. 
Bambi pondered question then finally said "That's decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

7TH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked & burglarized. She phoned the police at once & reported crime. 
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio & K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was 1st to respond. As K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop & his dog, then sat down on steps. Putting  her face in her hands, she moaned "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call police for help & what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

Thought of the Day

But a Constitution of Government once changed from Freedom, can never be restored. Liberty, once lost, is lost forever. --John Adams
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