Joke of the Day
From: Dennis
Sent: Thursday, October 31, 2019 12:18 PM
To: Dennis
Subject: You Just Knew that Dennis would send Halloween Humor Today!
Mike that NY snowbird starts off with, Halloween One-Liners
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A: He had no body to dance with.
What do you say to a ghost with three heads?
A: Hello, hello, hello.
What is a ghosts favorite ride at the midway?
A: A roller ghoster!!
Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the refrigerator?
A: He wants to use them later for cold cuts!!
What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
A: Peek-a-boo!
What is a Mummies' favorite type of music?
A: Wrap!
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
A: Fangsgiving.
What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
A: A boo-loney sandwich.
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.
Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
A: His ghoul friend.
Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A: The whatwolves and the whenwolves.
Top 10 Signs You're Too Old To Trick Or Treat
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9.You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
Bizarre Halloween Trivia
* Jack o’ lanterns originated in Ireland where people placed
candles in hollowed-out turnips to keep away spirits and
ghosts on the Samhain holiday.
* Halloween was brought to North America by immigrants from
Europe who would celebrate the harvest around a bonfire,
share ghost stories, sing, dance and tell fortunes.
* Tootsie Rolls were the first wrapped penny candy in
America.
* The ancient Celts thought that spirits and ghosts roamed
the countryside on Halloween night. They began wearing masks
and costumes to avoid being recognized as human.
* Halloween candy sales average about 2 billion dollars
annually in the United States.
* There really are so-called vampire bats, but they're not
from Transylvania. They live in Central and South America
and feed on the blood of cattle, horses and birds.
* If you see a spider on Halloween, it is the spirit of a
loved on watching over you.
* Bobbing for apples is thought to have originated from the
roman harvest festival that honors Pamona, the goddess of
fruit trees.
* Black cats were once believed to be witch's familiars who
protected their powers.
Q. What's a monster's favorite play?
A. Romeo and Ghouliet
Q. Do monster's eat popcorn with their fingers?
A. No, They eat the fingers separately.
Q. What is a monster's favorite snack?
A. Ghoul scout cookies.
Q. How do you keep an ugly monster in suspense?
A. I'll tell you tomorrow.
Q.Where do baby ghost go during the daytime.
A. Dayscare centers.
Q. What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A. A BOO-longa sandwich.
Q. What do you call a ghosts mother and father
A. Transparents
Q.Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?
A.You can see right through them.
Q. Where do mummies go to swim?
A. The dead sea.
Q. Why was the mummy so tense?
A. He was all wound up.
Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They are afraid they might unwind.
Q. What type of girl does a mummy take take on a date?
A. Any old girl he can dig up.
Q. Why were ancient Egyptian children so confused?
A. Because their daddies were all mummies.
Granpa Munster
Q. What happend to the guy who couldn't pay his exorcist bill?
A. He was re-possessed.
Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Q. What do you call a devil's picket line.
A. A demon-stration.
Q. What is the best way to get rid of a demon?
A. Exorcise a lot
Q. What is the ratio of a pumpkins Circumference to it's diameter?
A. Pumpkin Pi.
Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Q. What do you call a devil's picket line.
A. A demon-stration.
Q. What is the best way to get rid of a demon?
A. Exorcise a lot
Q. Why doesn't any angry ride her broom?
A. She's afraid she might fly off the handle.
Q. Why do witches wear name tags?
A. So they know which witch is which.
Q. What do you call two witched living together?
A. Broom mates.
Q. Who was the most famous witch detective/
A. Warlock Holmes.
Q. Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
A. Because he's a pain in the neck.
Q. What position did Dracula play on the baseball team?
A. Bat boy of course.
Q. What kind of dog does Dracula own?
A. A bloodhound
Q. What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A. A Neck-tarine
Because WE Can
Q. Was Dracula ever married?
A. No, He's a bat-chelor.
Q. Who was the most famous skeleton?
A. Napoleon Bone-apart
Q. Why didn't the skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A. He didn't have the stomach for it.
Q. Why are skeletons usually so calm?
A. Because nothing gets under their skin.
Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
A. He had no body to go with.
Q. What's a skeleton's favorite instrumnent?
A. The trom-bone.
1~
That stonedman Richard from VA sent,
-----Original Message-----
From: Richard Stone [mailto:rwstone48@verizon.net]
Sent: Thursday, October 12, 2017 3:56 PM
To: rwstone48@verizon.net
Cc: Karen
Subject: Halloween Light Show 2010 HD - Thriller ( Michael Jackson ) - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUAV_1jBJB4
~2`
A classic which Geoff from FL sent!
Geoff Krizan
G_krizan@msn.com
GJK55547@gmal.com
Geoff.krizan@yahoo.com
Beware of the pale horse
A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her
husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and
go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume
and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early,
decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by
watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with
every nice looking woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and
dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished
naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.
So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight , she slipped
away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he
would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had..
He said: 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.
'Did you dance much ?'
“I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other
guys and we went into the den and played poker all evening.”
“But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to.”
I DIDN''T SEE THAT COMING
3###
“America is best when it takes care of those who have taken care of America,” 2019 VA
Secretary Robert Wilkie
Thought of the Day
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
-H.L. Mencken
