Joke of the Day
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front!
of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the! pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with
Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ~~~~
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their
mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money
called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
! Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they
are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
~~~~~
In case you needed further proof that the
human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions
on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while
sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm
taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open! packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents
for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the
stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to
(maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all
need to smile every once in a while.
Thought of the Day
The desire to rule is the mother of heresies.
-St. -John Chrysostom
